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In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve access to every firearm out there except for the AR-15 which he told them not to touch because it was too evil. But then the NRA, in the guise of a serpent, told Eve that the AR-15 is really fun to shoot. So then Eve took the AR-15 and started shooting all the animals in the garden because she is one awesome chick.

 

 

I don’t even know where this list came from but it contains some important, yet little known, information that people need to be aware of about the AR-15.

  • The inventor of the AR-15 was Satan, though his patent has since expired.
  • Scientists have confirmed the deadly effects of an AR-15 by giving it to a chimpanzee who then murdered them.
  • Scientists agree that each year the AR-15 will grow more deadly until it kills everyone in the entire world.
  • Some believe that both Hitler and Stalin were, in fact, AR-15s in rubber masks.

 

  • In the Garden of Eden, God gave Adam and Eve access to every firearm out there except for the AR-15 which he told them not to touch because it was too evil. But then the NRA, in the guise of a serpent, told Eve that the AR-15 is really fun to shoot. So then Eve took the AR-15 and started shooting all the animals in the garden because she is one awesome chick.
  • The part that makes the AR-15 so extra deadly is the handle on top. The AR-15 would be used in less murders if it were more inconvenient to carry.
  • It was an AR-15 that told Miley Cyrus to dance like that.
  • Bullets that are normally harmless will kill instantly when fired out of the AR-15.
  • The reason AR-15s have that prominent handle on them is because the most requested feature for an assault rifle was to be able to carry it like a Hello Kitty lunch box.
  • If you find yourself surrounded by AR-15s, know that they will fire automatically if they sense fear.
  • The AR-15 is easily concealable and can fit inside a matchbox.
  • The AR-15 is the leading cause of global warming from how its bullets shoot holes in the ozone.
  • A very small percentage of gun deaths are attributed to the AR-15 because it is very good at disguising itself as other guns to frame them.
  • What are the differences between an M16 and an AR-15? Scientists agree that it is something.
  • The AR-15 can be rendered harmless by giving it only a 10 round magazine as people always miss with the first ten rounds and an AR-15 takes an hour and a half to reload.
  • The AR-15 can shoot through schools.
  • In a battle between Aquaman and an AR-15, Aquaman would break down and buy it so people might think he’s more manly.
  • There were no shooting deaths until the invention of an AR-15. No one even considered using a gun to shoot another human being until someone saw an AR-15 and said, “I bet I could use this to kill a lot of people.”
  • There was an assault musket similar to the AR-15 used by the world’s most evil pirates, but it was pronounced “Arrr-15.”
  • The Assault Weapon ban was needed because it is well known that an AR-15 with both a pistol grip and a flash suppressor would be unstoppable by any modern military.
  • In Europe there is no such thing as an AR-15 and thus also no such thing as murders. Instead of being violent, people there just drink wine and smoke cigarettes all day.
  • If you are shot by an AR-15, you become one and kill others.
  • The AR-15 is responsible for 95% of all deaths each year. The rest of the deaths are from obesity and drone strikes.
  • Both of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, Fat Man and Little Boy, are jealous of the destructive power of the AR-15.
  • Abraham Lincoln said the AR-15 is the finest battle implement ever devised.
  • Viagra is made from ground AR-15 parts.

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